Reverb #11 Day one: "Turning Point"

I am participating in Rebel Homeschool's  December blogging prompts, called "Reverb".  Theresa of Rebel Homeschool took it upon herself this year to invent her own blogging prompts for each day of December.  I'll try to use the daily prompts for blogging as many days as possible this month, beginning with this first prompt:

Day One: Turning Point
Did you have a turning point in 2011? A point where homeschooling became easier, or conversely, more difficult? 

2011 has definitely been a pivotal year in our homeschooling and overall lifestyle.  We are all experiencing growing "pains" and "joys" and "anxieties"  this year.

As a mother, I sensed the turning point in my children's growing older, accepting more responsibility, and changing relationships with the outer world. It's felt equal parts excitement, pride, and, (honestly,) dread to me.  Hoping that I guide them and handle this period ok is not a new concern, but now our lifestyle seems to have more real and outer world outcomes than when they were younger. The kids seem perched on the nest now, and I feel I must scramble to get ready  for their adventures into the world without me.  I can't tell you how much I look forward to seeing them becoming more of themselves, yet  how I also feel compelled to taking up an addictive coping habit at the same time!  Here are the specifics of what has been going on this year:

Son went from assistant coaching on a limited, volunteer basis to having a real job of coaching his own gymnastics classes.  He is also preparing to get his driver's license, and gearing up to take his first college course in January.  As his mother, I hope and wonder if we have prepared him enough for thriving in this outer world.  Does he have the basic academics he needs for his new outer world?  Does he have enough self-confidence and communication skills to continue learning and growing effectively outside of my immediate supervision?  Will he be safe?  Will he be harmed?  Will he enjoy life?  Will he handle problems and overwhelm in a healthy way?  How much will I continue to need to help him with that, and in what ways?

Then, Daughter began training with the team in gymnastics this year, requiring much more time, physical and mental effort, and dedication.  She is also being exposed to more complicated friend and classmate dynamics issues, and the wider world of girl issues- cultural standards- especially lookism, popularity, body image, and where that fits into her life.   She is gaining more skills in gymnastics, crafting, and communication, which requires her to brush up on other skills to help her.  Her self-confidence and determination are developing. She has entered puberty this year, and is grappling with the normal issues surrounding it.   As her mother, I wonder how well she is handling the wider world in her inner life, and is she doing so in a healthy way.  Will she maintain her sense of self through adolescence, without succumbing too much to cultural standards?  Is she being pushed/pushing herself too hard?  Will she become perfectionistic, and miserable because of it?  How do I best support her dreams, while helping her maintain an healthy outlook?

The kids also have these mixed feelings in their own way, and are excited and sometimes overwhelmed by the changes in their lives.  They are also foreseeing what academic preparation they are still needing to meet their goals. This is generally so, for sometimes they also do not see the point of our studying certain subjects.  Through a teen and pre-teen lens, this can be frustrating for them.

So is homeschooling harder this year?  Yes, in that there is more structure to our studies, and more complicated schedules to work around.  The turning point seems to do more in our family's life stage, rather than with the homeschooling itself.  In a way, this stage makes homeschooling easier as well, in that it is much clearer to see what we need to work on, and when, in order for the kids to continue their pursuits of their chosen interests and ever-expanding goals.

Thank you, Theresa, for orchestrating the Reverb 2011!  Having a prompt really helps get me blogging - especially when I don't think I have something to say!

You can participate in Reverb 2011 too- click on this  button to participate, or read the other responses to the daily prompt:

Excellent , heartfelt advice from Steve Jobs

As a homeschooling parent, I can think of no better encouragement and advice for my children and myself, than what Steve Jobs gave at this commencement ceremony.  Please enjoy this speech, especially if you are needing to muster courage or feel inspired:



Thank you, Steve.

monsterous marketing and media

 

photo source

My family was in a Target store this past weekend, and we found these in the toy aisle.  Gloom Beach dolls, apparently a line of toys of the Monster High flavor.  If Barbie and Bratz set a strong standard for lookism before, then we are definitely in trouble now.  Any girl who will absorb this standard for how to look will die in the effort.  More likely, girls will half-consciously absorb yet another message that you have to be very thin to fit in.

My daughter and I commented on the anorexic look and sexualized dressing style, and how it might affect girls' perception of themselves.  Will some feel pressured to emulate this look- starving, sickly and "undead"?

((Shudder)).  Keep talking to your girls and boys.  Fight back against aggressive marketing and media influence.  

A Tale of Two Books

I'm almost always reading more than one book at a time.  Here are my two current reads:




One is a hoot, one is quite serious.  I really need both!


A Long Way From Chicago- Richard Peck

Richard Peck's books are my family's favorite read-alouds.  They take place in the nineteenth and earlier twentieth centuries, and are full of nostalgia. (also history!)  Many of them are very funny, while others are mysterious.  All are engaging.

This is our second time reading this book aloud- the first of three in the "Grandma Dowdel" series.

The story is told from young Joey's point of view, as he and his younger sister, Mary Alice, visit their Grandma Dowdel in rural Illinois every summer.  Each chapter is a story from each yearly visit, from 1929-1935.  The Great War is over.  The Great Depression is on.  Grandma's town is full of characters- just like Mayberry- with Grandma being the biggest character of all.  Grandma is shocking, unconventional, clever, and really does have a heart of gold, as the readers discover.  You won't find straight-delivered morals here, but as the schemes play out, usually the right thing is done in the end.  Grandma Dowdell is my hero.

This book is a Newberry Honor book.  Richard Peck's books are written for children, (about age 9-10 on up)  and are equally enjoyed by adults too.

Reviving Ophelia:  Saving the selves of adolescent girls- Mary Pipher, PH.D

I really find this book very effective in describing the objectification and diminishing of the true self that happens in adolescence, as kids become more involved in the adolescent social systems, and absorb more of the "junk culture" values.  This book focuses on girls, though it seems to happen to boys to a different degree.

As I read it, I remember my own adolescent pain, and appreciate Mary Pipher's insights into the social patterns that set girls up to be less authentic, and then mourn the loss of this authenticity, as they assimilate into the broader culture.  This culture was harsh when I was in school, and is much worse now- with reducing a person down to their looks and possessions, not to mention sex appeal, at earlier and earlier ages.  According to Pipher, harassment, violence, and the incidence of having sex is now down into the middle school years.  (keep in mind that this book was written in the 1990s)  

Not having children in the school system, I don't have direct access to knowing how things are today.  I hear the parents of middle school girls muse over whether their girls are kissing their boyfriends or not.  According to Pipher, much more than that is happening, (as she has witnessed with her clients as a psychologist) so I wonder what the norm is, if there is one.

Anyway, helping Daughter make it through adolescence with her self intact is one of my biggest concerns now, as she enters puberty.  I want to understand the pressures the girls face today, and understand how she may react.  I want to help prepare her for the changes ahead.  I want to protect her from dangerous situations and unhealthy attitudes, even as she needs to move away from me into a wider sphere.  (I also want to do the same for Son, who is older, and am looking for more material that addresses boys)

I've found this book the most helpful so far- more so than "Cinderella Ate My Daughter" and "So Sexy So Soon", both of which I have read recently.

...and thank goodness for Grandma Dowdel, to inspire me, and act as a counterweight to my serious reading!

my hip blue nails, and broader concerns about media, consumerism, and my kids

I've never been "hip" in my entire life, but my daughter just might make me more fashionable in the years ahead.  Notice that my nails exactly match my shirt!  I think that is why she chose this color when she asked to paint my nails the other day.

Daughter is 11, and she is far more fashion-aware and fashion-enthusiastic  than I ever was at any age.  She also loves to sew clothes for her webkinz, and consistently picks out Brides magazine at the library.  We have a subscription to Kiki Magazine, which she devours for the crafts and design ideas.  She has always raided my closet for dress-up, and could easily walk in my scant collection of  heels from the time she was three.  She is a great shopper, and can find just the right gift for someone.

Often it is a hard balance between supporting her interests and creativity, when much of her interests dwell  in an expanding consumerist culture.  You know what I mean?  I happen to be one of those mommas who tend to consider, protect and shield the kids from things that I don't consider necessary for them to know about yet.  (I am "Cavemomma", after all)  I  think that developing a sense of who one is from the inside is very difficult,  when one is bathed in a culture where "outside packaging" is valued as so very important.


This isn't new of course.  I surely remember the need to have the right clothes, things, to be "pretty and popular" and have a boyfriend, to feel like I was a success in life.   Even as adults, we still do this.  For me, it most often  happens when I am in a new group of people, and I anticipate having to talk about myself.  I find myself automatically sizing up my family's "package". (the kids' activities, "academics", mine and my husbands' activities, our lifestyle, the condition of our home, etc)  I could really do without this making myself and family into an "object"-  myself looking at myself and family from the outside, as how someone might perceive us.  That isn't authentic.  I want us to know ourselves from the inside, and have that be the main focus of each of us.  I believe it is from this inside authentic place that we grow our own interests and happiness.

If kids concentrate so much on how they are "packaged" at ever-earlier ages, when will they develop their authentic interests and senses of themselves?   Perhaps most kids aren't bathed in celebrity role models and aggressive media consumerism to the exclusion of all else, but it does seem like some kids are more influenced by these sources than other kids are.

So as Daughter's teen years approach, how will we handle all this?  I guess we will just keep on talking together.  We'll point out what we like and don't like about any movie, toy, celebrity, and notice how any certain advertising motivates people to buy it, how it motivates us to want to buy it.  Setting limits is important of course.  Continuing to be interested in what my kids find interesting, and being able to talk about these things.  Continue encouraging them to follow their own unique interests is key, of course.  Continuing to be involved in the community is important.  Finding role models in our community- real people doing good, inspiring things is also important I feel, to inspire real human endeavors, and counteract what the media portrays.  CAn you think of anything else?

So even though she won't be allowed to pierce her ears till she is 12, I have allowed nail polish in the house.  She so much wants to share her fashion passion with me, and I want to be interested and involved.  I really like my blue nails!  They catch me off guard- they distract me and lure me into their beautiful color throughout the day.   It's a pleasant phenomenon.  Maybe there is something to a little bit of fashion and style, after all.....

Daughter's portrait of Kate Middleton, from her own memory.