My family was in a Target store this past weekend, and we found these in the toy aisle. Gloom Beach dolls, apparently a line of toys of the Monster High flavor. If Barbie and Bratz set a strong standard for lookism before, then we are definitely in trouble now. Any girl who will absorb this standard for how to look will die in the effort. More likely, girls will half-consciously absorb yet another message that you have to be very thin to fit in.
My daughter and I commented on the anorexic look and sexualized dressing style, and how it might affect girls' perception of themselves. Will some feel pressured to emulate this look- starving, sickly and "undead"?
((Shudder)). Keep talking to your girls and boys. Fight back against aggressive marketing and media influence.
I'm almost always reading more than one book at a time. Here are my two current reads:
One is a hoot, one is quite serious. I really need both!
A Long Way From Chicago- Richard Peck
Richard Peck's books are my family's favorite read-alouds. They take place in the nineteenth and earlier twentieth centuries, and are full of nostalgia. (also history!) Many of them are very funny, while others are mysterious. All are engaging.
This is our second time reading this book aloud- the first of three in the "Grandma Dowdel" series.
The story is told from young Joey's point of view, as he and his younger sister, Mary Alice, visit their Grandma Dowdel in rural Illinois every summer. Each chapter is a story from each yearly visit, from 1929-1935. The Great War is over. The Great Depression is on. Grandma's town is full of characters- just like Mayberry- with Grandma being the biggest character of all. Grandma is shocking, unconventional, clever, and really does have a heart of gold, as the readers discover. You won't find straight-delivered morals here, but as the schemes play out, usually the right thing is done in the end. Grandma Dowdell is my hero.
This book is a Newberry Honor book. Richard Peck's books are written for children, (about age 9-10 on up) and are equally enjoyed by adults too.
Reviving Ophelia: Saving the selves of adolescent girls- Mary Pipher, PH.D
I really find this book very effective in describing the objectification and diminishing of the true self that happens in adolescence, as kids become more involved in the adolescent social systems, and absorb more of the "junk culture" values. This book focuses on girls, though it seems to happen to boys to a different degree.
As I read it, I remember my own adolescent pain, and appreciate Mary Pipher's insights into the social patterns that set girls up to be less authentic, and then mourn the loss of this authenticity, as they assimilate into the broader culture. This culture was harsh when I was in school, and is much worse now- with reducing a person down to their looks and possessions, not to mention sex appeal, at earlier and earlier ages. According to Pipher, harassment, violence, and the incidence of having sex is now down into the middle school years. (keep in mind that this book was written in the 1990s)
Not having children in the school system, I don't have direct access to knowing how things are today. I hear the parents of middle school girls muse over whether their girls are kissing their boyfriends or not. According to Pipher, much more than that is happening, (as she has witnessed with her clients as a psychologist) so I wonder what the norm is, if there is one.
Anyway, helping Daughter make it through adolescence with her self intact is one of my biggest concerns now, as she enters puberty. I want to understand the pressures the girls face today, and understand how she may react. I want to help prepare her for the changes ahead. I want to protect her from dangerous situations and unhealthy attitudes, even as she needs to move away from me into a wider sphere. (I also want to do the same for Son, who is older, and am looking for more material that addresses boys)
I've never been "hip" in my entire life, but my daughter just might make me more fashionable in the years ahead. Notice that my nails exactly match my shirt! I think that is why she chose this color when she asked to paint my nails the other day.
Daughter is 11, and she is far more fashion-aware and fashion-enthusiastic than I ever was at any age. She also loves to sew clothes for her webkinz, and consistently picks out Brides magazine at the library. We have a subscription to Kiki Magazine, which she devours for the crafts and design ideas. She has always raided my closet for dress-up, and could easily walk in my scant collection of heels from the time she was three. She is a great shopper, and can find just the right gift for someone.
Often it is a hard balance between supporting her interests and creativity, when much of her interests dwell in an expanding consumerist culture. You know what I mean? I happen to be one of those mommas who tend to consider, protect and shield the kids from things that I don't consider necessary for them to know about yet. (I am "Cavemomma", after all) I think that developing a sense of who one is from the inside is very difficult, when one is bathed in a culture where "outside packaging" is valued as so very important.
This isn't new of course. I surely remember the need to have the right clothes, things, to be "pretty and popular" and have a boyfriend, to feel like I was a success in life. Even as adults, we still do this. For me, it most often happens when I am in a new group of people, and I anticipate having to talk about myself. I find myself automatically sizing up my family's "package". (the kids' activities, "academics", mine and my husbands' activities, our lifestyle, the condition of our home, etc) I could really do without this making myself and family into an "object"- myself looking at myself and family from the outside, as how someone might perceive us. That isn't authentic. I want us to know ourselves from the inside, and have that be the main focus of each of us. I believe it is from this inside authentic place that we grow our own interests and happiness.
If kids concentrate so much on how they are "packaged" at ever-earlier ages, when will they develop their authentic interests and senses of themselves? Perhaps most kids aren't bathed in celebrity role models and aggressive media consumerism to the exclusion of all else, but it does seem like some kids are more influenced by these sources than other kids are.
So as Daughter's teen years approach, how will we handle all this? I guess we will just keep on talking together. We'll point out what we like and don't like about any movie, toy, celebrity, and notice how any certain advertising motivates people to buy it, how it motivates us to want to buy it. Setting limits is important of course. Continuing to be interested in what my kids find interesting, and being able to talk about these things. Continue encouraging them to follow their own unique interests is key, of course. Continuing to be involved in the community is important. Finding role models in our community- real people doing good, inspiring things is also important I feel, to inspire real human endeavors, and counteract what the media portrays. CAn you think of anything else?
So even though she won't be allowed to pierce her ears till she is 12, I have allowed nail polish in the house. She so much wants to share her fashion passion with me, and I want to be interested and involved. I really like my blue nails! They catch me off guard- they distract me and lure me into their beautiful color throughout the day. It's a pleasant phenomenon. Maybe there is something to a little bit of fashion and style, after all.....
Daughter's portrait of Kate Middleton, from her own memory.
