struggle leads to success

I found this story on NPR so very inspiring.  My kids will be listening to it today...it's about the differences of Eastern and Western cultures in their views about struggle in learning.  Have a listen:



Basically, the message is that Western cultural beliefs hold that success comes from intelligence.  If you succeed in school, it is because you are smart.  Struggle in this culture implies that you don't naturally "get it", and aren't smart, and don't succeed as well.

On the other hand, Eastern cultures place high value in struggle, and link it to persistence and patience and determination.  These qualities are pointed out in this culture as qualities that make success happen.  Struggle and suffering, and how a student handles them to learn, is what is valued.

The article goes on to point out that both cultures can learn from each other, but that our Western culture has much to learn about attitudes towards struggle.  If we adopt more of an Eastern view, problems may not defeat us so readily.

As my kids currently struggle with their online Chemistry class, perhaps this will help them improve their outlook.  Perhaps this outlook can be nutured, carried through adulthood.....

Widening Circles

  Poem by Rainer Maria Rilke. Translation by Joanna Macy and Anita Barrows, recited by Joanna Macy in her interview with Krista Tippet at On Being.

Happy Bodhi Day

December 8th is one day chosen for many Buddhists to celebrate the day that Siddhartha Gautama achieved enlightenment, after spending 8 days in deep meditation, sitting under a Bodhi tree. (a kind of ficus tree) This was in 596 BCE, and it is said that with his enlightenment, came his conception of the Law of Karma, The 4 Noble Truths, and the The Noble Eightfold Path. From that time on, he referred to himself as a "Buddha", meaning in his language, "an awakened one". He then began his traveling and teaching, which occupied his life till his death.

Bodhi Day is observed by many Buddhists- especially of the Pure Land and Zen traditions, in China, Korea, Japan, and in the West. Activities included in the observation often include practicing mindfulness, reading the Dharma, meditation, and performing acts of kindness . There is a website here, which suggests some activities to do with children.

Like other traditions, Buddhism has adapted to regional, cultural, spiritual and religious traditions, wherever it may be practiced, and many sources I have read have pointed out that Bodhi Day seems to fit in nicely with the Holiday season.   I think this makes sense.  It is a season of light, and celebrating  inner illumination adds depth and compliments what other traditions are observing and celebrating this time of year.  From a practical perspective, in this season of shopping and rushing to and from so many activities, taking moments to be mindful and still can firmly root us back into our authentic selves, and help us realize the most important things.

Today, the kids and I will listen to a Dharma talk, and look for opportunities to do kind things for others.  My favorite Buddhist teacher is Thich Nhat Hanh, and below is a  talk he gave to children last summer.


True Presence - Children's Talk from Plum Village Online Monastery on Vimeo.



Happy Bodhi Day!

Reverb #11 Day one: "Turning Point"

I am participating in Rebel Homeschool's  December blogging prompts, called "Reverb".  Theresa of Rebel Homeschool took it upon herself this year to invent her own blogging prompts for each day of December.  I'll try to use the daily prompts for blogging as many days as possible this month, beginning with this first prompt:

Day One: Turning Point
Did you have a turning point in 2011? A point where homeschooling became easier, or conversely, more difficult? 

2011 has definitely been a pivotal year in our homeschooling and overall lifestyle.  We are all experiencing growing "pains" and "joys" and "anxieties"  this year.

As a mother, I sensed the turning point in my children's growing older, accepting more responsibility, and changing relationships with the outer world. It's felt equal parts excitement, pride, and, (honestly,) dread to me.  Hoping that I guide them and handle this period ok is not a new concern, but now our lifestyle seems to have more real and outer world outcomes than when they were younger. The kids seem perched on the nest now, and I feel I must scramble to get ready  for their adventures into the world without me.  I can't tell you how much I look forward to seeing them becoming more of themselves, yet  how I also feel compelled to taking up an addictive coping habit at the same time!  Here are the specifics of what has been going on this year:

Son went from assistant coaching on a limited, volunteer basis to having a real job of coaching his own gymnastics classes.  He is also preparing to get his driver's license, and gearing up to take his first college course in January.  As his mother, I hope and wonder if we have prepared him enough for thriving in this outer world.  Does he have the basic academics he needs for his new outer world?  Does he have enough self-confidence and communication skills to continue learning and growing effectively outside of my immediate supervision?  Will he be safe?  Will he be harmed?  Will he enjoy life?  Will he handle problems and overwhelm in a healthy way?  How much will I continue to need to help him with that, and in what ways?

Then, Daughter began training with the team in gymnastics this year, requiring much more time, physical and mental effort, and dedication.  She is also being exposed to more complicated friend and classmate dynamics issues, and the wider world of girl issues- cultural standards- especially lookism, popularity, body image, and where that fits into her life.   She is gaining more skills in gymnastics, crafting, and communication, which requires her to brush up on other skills to help her.  Her self-confidence and determination are developing. She has entered puberty this year, and is grappling with the normal issues surrounding it.   As her mother, I wonder how well she is handling the wider world in her inner life, and is she doing so in a healthy way.  Will she maintain her sense of self through adolescence, without succumbing too much to cultural standards?  Is she being pushed/pushing herself too hard?  Will she become perfectionistic, and miserable because of it?  How do I best support her dreams, while helping her maintain an healthy outlook?

The kids also have these mixed feelings in their own way, and are excited and sometimes overwhelmed by the changes in their lives.  They are also foreseeing what academic preparation they are still needing to meet their goals. This is generally so, for sometimes they also do not see the point of our studying certain subjects.  Through a teen and pre-teen lens, this can be frustrating for them.

So is homeschooling harder this year?  Yes, in that there is more structure to our studies, and more complicated schedules to work around.  The turning point seems to do more in our family's life stage, rather than with the homeschooling itself.  In a way, this stage makes homeschooling easier as well, in that it is much clearer to see what we need to work on, and when, in order for the kids to continue their pursuits of their chosen interests and ever-expanding goals.

Thank you, Theresa, for orchestrating the Reverb 2011!  Having a prompt really helps get me blogging - especially when I don't think I have something to say!

You can participate in Reverb 2011 too- click on this  button to participate, or read the other responses to the daily prompt:

Excellent , heartfelt advice from Steve Jobs

As a homeschooling parent, I can think of no better encouragement and advice for my children and myself, than what Steve Jobs gave at this commencement ceremony.  Please enjoy this speech, especially if you are needing to muster courage or feel inspired:



Thank you, Steve.

my hip blue nails, and broader concerns about media, consumerism, and my kids

I've never been "hip" in my entire life, but my daughter just might make me more fashionable in the years ahead.  Notice that my nails exactly match my shirt!  I think that is why she chose this color when she asked to paint my nails the other day.

Daughter is 11, and she is far more fashion-aware and fashion-enthusiastic  than I ever was at any age.  She also loves to sew clothes for her webkinz, and consistently picks out Brides magazine at the library.  We have a subscription to Kiki Magazine, which she devours for the crafts and design ideas.  She has always raided my closet for dress-up, and could easily walk in my scant collection of  heels from the time she was three.  She is a great shopper, and can find just the right gift for someone.

Often it is a hard balance between supporting her interests and creativity, when much of her interests dwell  in an expanding consumerist culture.  You know what I mean?  I happen to be one of those mommas who tend to consider, protect and shield the kids from things that I don't consider necessary for them to know about yet.  (I am "Cavemomma", after all)  I  think that developing a sense of who one is from the inside is very difficult,  when one is bathed in a culture where "outside packaging" is valued as so very important.


This isn't new of course.  I surely remember the need to have the right clothes, things, to be "pretty and popular" and have a boyfriend, to feel like I was a success in life.   Even as adults, we still do this.  For me, it most often  happens when I am in a new group of people, and I anticipate having to talk about myself.  I find myself automatically sizing up my family's "package". (the kids' activities, "academics", mine and my husbands' activities, our lifestyle, the condition of our home, etc)  I could really do without this making myself and family into an "object"-  myself looking at myself and family from the outside, as how someone might perceive us.  That isn't authentic.  I want us to know ourselves from the inside, and have that be the main focus of each of us.  I believe it is from this inside authentic place that we grow our own interests and happiness.

If kids concentrate so much on how they are "packaged" at ever-earlier ages, when will they develop their authentic interests and senses of themselves?   Perhaps most kids aren't bathed in celebrity role models and aggressive media consumerism to the exclusion of all else, but it does seem like some kids are more influenced by these sources than other kids are.

So as Daughter's teen years approach, how will we handle all this?  I guess we will just keep on talking together.  We'll point out what we like and don't like about any movie, toy, celebrity, and notice how any certain advertising motivates people to buy it, how it motivates us to want to buy it.  Setting limits is important of course.  Continuing to be interested in what my kids find interesting, and being able to talk about these things.  Continue encouraging them to follow their own unique interests is key, of course.  Continuing to be involved in the community is important.  Finding role models in our community- real people doing good, inspiring things is also important I feel, to inspire real human endeavors, and counteract what the media portrays.  CAn you think of anything else?

So even though she won't be allowed to pierce her ears till she is 12, I have allowed nail polish in the house.  She so much wants to share her fashion passion with me, and I want to be interested and involved.  I really like my blue nails!  They catch me off guard- they distract me and lure me into their beautiful color throughout the day.   It's a pleasant phenomenon.  Maybe there is something to a little bit of fashion and style, after all.....

Daughter's portrait of Kate Middleton, from her own memory.